Smells like a confession.

After number deux hit the bricks on me I never thought I'd be happy again.  It's not that I was scared to try, because I wasn't.  I put myself out there way too soon, trying to fix what was shattered.  I didn't really understand how organic a process healing a broken heart is.

Not to say that I have the answers to healing a broken heart, but in my case it was a long arduous, failure filled effort.  Being faced daily with reminders of days past, a life lost - all of it can really weigh you down.

But, here I am.  I made it.

I'm not perfect, but I'm happy again.  Yes,  I've met someone new.  My mother always reminded me that she felt I would.   I assumed that to be a slice of motherly kindness at best, but she has always maintained that I would eventually find the one for me.

I'm not trying to prophesize right now, but I'm excited.  I haven't been this excited in years.  I keep things a secret these days because I feel like if I share too much I may let the magic out of the bottle, so to speak.  Is that normal?

Anyway, there's a point that I wanted to wrap my brain around and that's guilt.  I feel none and it feels amazing.  That's how I gauge the depths in which I tread to date.  As that feeling of reluctance recedes, I find that there's this whole new person in me that is someone even I trust.  It's a whole new experience.

I'm not particularly proud of my failures.  I don't think I'd ever say that.  But I am proud that I tried and failed and got back up to try again as much as I did.  I never counted how many rejections I've faced, but I do cherish the acceptance.

There's something to be said for overcoming so many set backs.  From Christian guilt to psychotic episodes from others, I can say I've run the gambit.  Life hits hard and you can't really hit back.  You just gotta know how to either take it or bob and weave.  As for me, I've got no acrobatic skills so I just suck it up and plow ahead.

My heart is the best part of this story.  Stronger and fuller than ever, I feel like I have a new lease on things.  Life, love, happiness.  It's a good day to be me.

Finally.